Chopped All-Stars 2013

Doom bestows this small kindness upon you: Doom is about spoil this year's Chopped All-Stars competition, so begone if you have yet to watch.

All clear? Good.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE %$#@ KIDDING DOOM.

Doom spoke about last year's Chopped All-Stars here and sighed with deep relief when a Chopped judge failed to win the whole shebang. That loss maintained the integrity of the show. Because, otherwise, they could skip the farce and give the $50,000 charity donation to a judge picked at random.

This year, what happens? A Chopped judge won it all.

Now. Yes. These people are chefs. They can cook. They know of where they speak. And Doom correctly (no shock) picked Scott Conant to emerge from the judge bracket. Doom begrudges Conant nothing in being the better chef among the judges. One Victor recognizes another.

But the presentation of an open competition is besmirched when, in truth,12 invited competitors have a one-in-three shot at facing a judge in the last dessert round of the final episode.

(Shut up, Richards. Doom's math is unassailable! Doom will prepare a recipe just for you: A raw bug. Cooking directions: Find one bug. Go and eat it!)

Chopped All-Stars should be called Beat the Judge, with 12 potentials squaring off to take on a representative of the Chopped citadel.This is the proper manner of presentation. At the very least, instead of one tournament bracket being all judges, guaranteeing a judge finalist, the four judges should be mixed within the four categories. That way, it's possible there will be no judges in the finals.

(Is it possible two or more judges will make the finals? Doom supposes. But it's less likely.)

Also of note: Last year's runner-up judge Aaron Sanchez was a judge in this year's finals. That must be addressed.

Two last things:
1) Give Lailah Ali a cooking show yesterday. Unlike the cackling blond grotesques Food TV foists upon us, Ali has true charm and skills.  Doom would watch her show always.

2) Nadia G will come back and wax the competition like Beatrix Kiddo. Bet on it.

Doom out.

Doomchiladas

Doom runs from no man. Doom runs toward victory. Thus Doom is training for the Latverian Parking Lot Marathon, an annual tradition dating back hundreds of weeks. It started last year, Doom remembers not how, perhaps as the populace fled from the weekly random Doombot security sweeps. It matters not.

What does matter is that Doom shall grace this exercise with his glory. Doom will join the peasantry in their sweaty revels, but Doom will of course establish a higher standard. Doom will run in full armor. What any man may dare, Doom shall exceed tenfold. And, nay, sneakers will not besmirch Doom's tootsies.

If any Latverian dare tug on Doom's cape, he shall be punted to the moon. DOOM WARNS YOU THUS.

The Accursed Richards would attempt no such gesture. He would no doubt simply start the race by stretching one idiot foot to the finish line and proclaim himself the winner. Because Richards is a small man who needs constant approbation. Unlike Emperor Doom, who must leave you now to oversee the mountainside sculpture of Doom's likeness. AWAY WITH YOU!

Doomchiladas
Doom commands you to marshal your resources:

1 pound ground beef
1 medium onion, diced
1 can tomato sauce (15 ounces)
8-10 tortillas (5-6 inches in diameter)
1 cup shredded habanero cheese
2/3 cup water
1/2 cup sour cream
1/3 cup chopped red bell pepper
2-3 cloves garlic minced/smooshed 
2 tablespoons chopped parsley
1 tablespoon chili powder
2 teaspoons oregano
1/4 teaspoons ground cumin

* Your secret ingredient is habanero cheese. Instead of adding cheese and chiles separately, use this instead. Test it first in small bites to determine how much you want in the recipe. Pepperjack cheese can work if you need it milder.

Doom commands you to:

Brown the beef in a skillet on medium heat. Drain the grease. Add onion, cream, cheese, parsley, and pepper. Stir, cover, and remove from heat.

In another pot, combine sauce, water, garlic, chili powder, cumin, and oregano. Heat to boiling and simmer for five minutes.

Soak each tortilla in the sauce mixture before filling it with 1/4 cup of the beef mixture. Fold shell around filling and place seam side down in ungreased baking dish. Pour remaining sauce on all the tortillas when pan is full.

Cook uncovered in 350-degree oven for 20 minutes.

Before serving, add more shredded cheese and sour cream as desired. Doom allows you this modicum of sovereignty. Doom is generous.