Thursday, July 28, 2011

Peppered Pork Chops and Roasted Potatoes

Let Doom be clear: Doom hates to exercise. Possessing the superior mind is already such a taxing burden, even for Your Lord and Master, that further exerting this magnificent form through something as plebeian as jogging is frankly insulting. And Doom, lest your forget, engages in near-constant war with The Accursed Richards and his witless peanut gallery. So one need not imagine Doom nestled in a couch day and night. Allow Doom to quote honorary Latverian poet laureate Big Daddy Kane:  Doom works. Doom gets the job done.

But Doom has taken note of the mirror of late, and Doom perceives reality in a way no mere mortal can. Doom sees the creeping, infinitesimal imperfections of which even this human form is prone. Doom is but a man, after all. A magnificent man, the apogee and acme of man, and Doom's musculature remains superb. Doom is the definition of definition

Doom must take time from the ceaseless progression toward genius to refine and hone. Fear not. Latveria remains ever in Doom's peerless mind, secure from the invasions of those who would unseat Doom. The Accursed Richards must know -- if his feeble mind can comprehend such basic truths -- that Doom can repel his desperate offensives with one ironclad arm tied behind Doom's matchless back. Doom is ever coiled.

And Doom shall ever embody the pinnacle.

Peppered Pork Chops and Roasted Potatoes
4 boneless porkchops
6 medium white/red potatoes
3 Golden Delicious apples
3 tablespoons cilantro
3 tablespoons oregano
3 tablespoons basil
2 tablespoons butter
1 red bell pepper
1 red onion
1 tablespoon cooking oil
1 cup flour
1 cup bread crumbs
3 tablespoons ground black pepper

Doom commands you to cut the onion and pepper into bite-size chunks. Then you shall quarter the potatoes. Place all three ingredients in a greased roasting pan and sprinkle with the seasonings. Do not fail Doom.

Doom commands you to roast the potatoes at 400 degrees for 35 minutes.

Doom commands you to peel the apples and place inside a covered pan over medium heat. Stir often to avoid burning. The apples will cook for approximately ten minutes, softening and browning. After ten minutes, reduce heat to low and add butter. Stir to coat the apples.

Doom commands you to mix flour, crumbs, and pepper. Dredge the chops in mix and fry in cooking oil in a skillet on medium heat. You shall fry them for 12 minutes, turning once.

When plating, Doom commands you place the apples on the chops. 

Gravy Bonus: 
If you wish to make milk gravy in the skillet, Doom advises you thus:

Remove chops and reduce heat to low. Add one cup of milk (all at once, cur!) and stir constantly to loosen crisps. Add 1/2 cup all-purpose flour and 1 tablespoon ground black pepper. As liquid reduces, stir to combine and thicken. If flour and milk clump, the pan was too hot, but you may add water in small increments as needed to break-up matter. Serve, if desired, over the potatoes.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Doom Is On The Menu

Doom Archivist here.

This fridge menu was spotted Wednesday night in a house that was not our own. That's two dishes from the Secret Gypsy Momma Cookbook. Boffo.

Doom endures! Doom sustains!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Ginger-Curry Yogurt Chicken & Mango

Doom is languid. Doom has the dulls. Doom's ship of state is dead in the water, in the doldrums, in the dumps.

As the Latverian Football League continues its mindless haggling over revenues -- a pittance in comparison to Doom's estate, Doom reminds you -- Doom has one less joy to anticipate. All of Doom's beloved series are on hiatus. Doom's armor barely cools him amid this maddening summer heat. Doom is becoming, dare one say, a crankypants.

Even the plethora of chicken dishes begins to rankle Doom. Doom may soon seek the sweet embrace of a sirloin, diet be damned. Yes yes, you inquisitive buffoons, Doom is dieting, and red meat has been banished from this castle. Doom is disciplined, and Doom will once more wear proudly he armor of his youth. And then, beware ladies of Latveria. Doom will once more strut upon the promenades and rococo bridges of the parks in the russet twilight. And Doom shall once more be irresistible. And Doom's pants shall be cranky no more.

Ginger-Curry Yogurt Chicken & Mango
1 mango
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon honey
2 crushed garlic cloves
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
3 pounds chicken fillets/pieces

Topping ingredients
1/3 cup plain yogurt
1 teaspoon curry powder
1 teaspoon grated ginger root
1 teaspoon brown sugar
1 teaspoon orange zest

Side dish
2 yellow crook neck squash
2 zucchini
1 tablespoon olive oil

Doom commands you to peel and chop the mango before mashing in a bowl. You will then add lemon, honey, garlic paprika, salt, and pepper.

Doom commands you to spoon mango mix over chicken and cook in a crock pot on low for at least four hours.

Doom commands you to combine topping ingredients and refrigerate. When the chicken is ready, you shall plate the chicken and spoon yogurt onto it. Doom declares you shall not add yogurt in the crock pot.

Doom commands you to slice squash lengthwise and stir-fry for two minutes in oil on medium heat. Pepper and salt to taste.

Doom commands you to indulge.

Now begone.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Lemon Mustard Grilled Chicken

Doom observes the Women's World Cup and rages at the unwarranted disqualification of the Latveria team. Doom seethes. Doom knows -- as Doom does of all things -- that Latveria's soccer force would have dominated the World Cup and brought further glory to Doom.

But no. In this, Doom -- even DOOM -- was stymied by a bureaucratic horde of narrow-minded pince-nez fops who refused the team entry into the tournament. And why? Because they claimed the team was comprised entirely of Doombots.

OF COURSE THEY WERE. Artificial reproductions of Doom are the only reasonable assembly to achieve greatness, the only proper collection to receive the accolades of a starstruck globe. And those officious official oafs denied Doom the inevitable victory. They think themselves above Doom, more powerful than Doom. Doom chuckles!

Wait for it.


Yes, Doom chuckles at their smug impertinence. Doom needs but press this red button, and those administrators will find themselves in a low orbit, drifting past the last shuttle mission. But Doom enjoys the power. Doom is content to know Doom could, if but Doom wanted, to prove his might from across the globe. And so Doom has reason to smile even as Doom is refused his opportunity to prove Doom's glory.

Even in seeming defeat, Doom conquers. Let this be a lesson.

Oh, and Doom raises his goblet to the U.S. Women's team in their banishment of the Brazil squad. Doom detests a cheater, and Doom is looking at you Ms. Fake an Injury, Leap Off the Stretcher, and Run Back Into the Game. This is surely the act of desperation befitting the lowly, such as the Accursed Richards.

Lemon Mustard Grilled Chicken
Assemble before you these crucial elements:

2 tablesoons cooking oil
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard (Doom prefers a honey variety)
1 tablespoon lemon juice
2 teaspoons crushed/dried basil
2 teaspoons lemon-pepper seasoning
half teaspoon crushed red pepper
3 boneless chicken breasts

Doom commands you to mix the flavorings in a bowl.

Doom commands you to grill chicken without baste to lightly brown the skin. Doom prefers to grill inside on a stovetop grill. They are quicker to warm, easier to clean, and smaller to store than a cumbersome outdoor apparatus. Also? Doom may watch TV while grilling. Doom taunts you, Bobby Flay!

Doom commands you to apply a light cooking oil sheen to the steovetop grill and apply medium heat.

Doom commands you to turn once to brown both sides. Only then does Doom permit you to brush mixture onto chicken.

Doom commands you to turn the chicken in 90-degree increments to achieve crisscross browning and cook the chicken for ten minutes each side.

Doom advises this be enjoyed alongside sweet potato fries.