Friday, June 24, 2011

Spaghetti Bucket

Doom is giddy. Doom is bursting at the seams of his marvelous armor. Doom has a secret to tell from Doom's electrical well. It's a simple message, and Doom is not leaving out the whistles and bells.

Doom wishes to bequeath to you the delicious bounty to be enjoyed from a simple kitchen technique, and it is called the Spaghetti Bucket.

Wait, cur. Doom shall do this properly. Doom cues the formatting.

Spaghetti Bucket
There are many recipes for making spaghetti at home, Doom knows, and Doom demeans none which may have passed down through the gnarled hands of your ancestors. Doom is also aware that many of Doom's audience may only know the flaccid joy of store-bought spaghetti sauce. Doom has set his sights on this horror, and Doom shall eradicate it. Gird yourselves.

The Spaghetti Bucket is a simple thing: When cutting vegetables for various recipes, Doom commands that you set aside a small portion to retain in your freezer. Doom repeats: Freezer. Do not attempt to keep a Spaghetti Bucket in your fridge, weak mortals. This will lead to sadness, the kind known before only to That Accursed Richards as he realizes daily that he is inferior to The Man Named Doom.

In this bucket, or whatever container and size you choose, the accumulated vegetable chunks will be preserved. Doom also provides this special bonus tip because he is generous: If you deglaze pans with cooking wine, do not pour it down the drain when finished. Instead, Doom suggests you add it to the bucket. When the container is full, Doom commands you to thaw it and heed you this ratio:
  • 3/4 spaghetti bucket ingredients
  • 1/4 protein of choice browned in a skillet with oil and seasonings. Doom declares you will not use salt. Doom explains later.
  • at least 8 ounces tomato paste (canned is acceptable to Doom)
  • at least 14.5 ounces diced tomatoes (again, Doom permits canned varieties)
  • dashes of cumin, oregano, black pepper. Again, Doom declares you shall not use salt.
Doom commands you to combine ingredients in a large pot and boil before simmering. Stir often, if you would appease Doom. The sauce should reduce for at least ten minutes.

Doom allows you to prepare the noodles as you desire. Doom doesn't care which type, although Doom prefers penne. Doom enjoys saying the word. Penne. Penne. There. Doom is now delighted.

Doom commands you to drain noodles and add to spaghetti pot to combine thoroughly.

Now, Doom strongly advises you to top the dish with crumbled feta cheese. Yes, yes, "Parmesan," you protest. Everyone reaches for the Parmesan when making spaghetti. Doom mocks them thus: Blah blah blah. Dare to scale the culinary heights with Doom. Dare to reach instead for feta. This will provide all the salt you wrongfully think you needed beforehand. Doom will wait for you to inevitably admit Doom is right. Doom is patient.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Pineapple Butter Chicken

Longtime reader Phyllis in Dayton asks,"You seem preoccupied with chicken dishes. This seems odd for a man of your considerable wealth and refined palate. What gives, Doomy Boo?"

First of all, die. Is this the Accursed Richards cowardly mocking Doom? Richards! How dare you!

Second, Doom eats what Doom likes. And what Doom likes infests His Beloved Latveria like a plague. Latveria, in addition to boasting the greatest human specimen who ever set foot upon this pathetic orb, is also the chicken capital of the solar system (But not the universe. Little known fact: A planet orbiting Procyon2 is populated entirely by nine-foot New Hampshire Reds which speak a dialect not unlike Appalachian hiccups. Alas, they taste like boiled crap.). The subjects of Doom are blessed with a plentiful food source, and Doom generously provides them many a recipe for wringing all nutrition and taste from what Latverians call "our mountain flood." Latveria also corners the industry on chicken-feather pillows and jacket insulation. Look for the latter in our upcoming LL Doom Catalog.

A better question from Phyllis in Dayton would be,"Gracious Lord Doom, might there be another chicken recipe Your Marvelousness would bestow upon us lowly lows who are low and lowish?"

And Doom would but reply, "Aye, Phyllis in Dayton. Aye."

Pineapple Butter Chicken
Doom confesses that the original recipe found within the Secret Gypsy Momma Cookbook called for lemon juice. But the Doom tummy hungers not for lemon this day. And Doom was granted a wholesale bargain on a large order of pineapple. "Win-win" cries Doom.

3 boneless chicken breasts
3 tablespoons melted butter
3 tablespoons pineapple juice
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons black pepper
1 cup seasoned bread crumbs

Doom commands you to combine butter, juice, salt, pepper, and garlic in a wide bowl.

Doom commands you to soak the chicken in the mixture and dredge in bread crumbs.

Doom commands you to bake the chicken in a 350-degree over for 40 minutes.

Doom commands you to gobble. Mayhap with brown rice.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Garlic Lime Chicken

Doom's publicity team informed Doom that the world doesn't yet rightfully perceive his grandeur.

"You are seen as a tyrant," Doom was informed. "Petty. Vindictive. Obsessed with a charming family man in a one-sided, stalkerish war of wills which exists entirely within your own deranged mind. And you are cruel to all."

Of course Doom had them launched into the sun. But Doom reflects. Doom pauses. Doom, after all, is open to contrary opinion, so long as it's presented upon bended knee atop a trap door leading to a cauldron of acid. Doom is but a man, like his fellow denizens of Earth. Doom has feelings. They are submerged under gargantuan levels of intellect and genius, lying dormant as Fin Fang Doom, waiting only for a spark of resurrection to power an unstoppable torrent of rage and flailing violence. But feelings, nonetheless, people.

Doom is moved to action. Doom shall open his home -- his humble sprawling compound with its approximately 4,528 statues depicting the various glories of Doom -- to the masses, and Doom shall prepare for them a feast. And Doom knows just what to offer. HEED!

Garlic Lime Chicken

Doom commands you to prepare these ingredients;
Four boneless chicken fillets
Half-cup lime juice
1/4 cup wine vinegar
6 garlic cloves, minced
3 tablespoons dried oregano flakes
1 tablespoon dried corriander
1 tablespoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon paprika
1/4 cup vegetable oil

Doom commands you to mix all the ingredients in a zip-top bag and marinade for eight hours. Doom warns you to turn the bag a few times to soak meat thoroughly.

Doom commands you to discard marinade and brown the chicken on medium heat in an oven-safe skillet. Doom notes that preparing the skillet with oil is rendered unnecessary by the soak. Do not waste your oil, Doom proclaims. That's rule Number 3 of the Secret Gypsy Mamma Cookbook

Doom commands you to place skillet in an oven heated to 400 degrees and bake for 20 minutes.

Doom prefers a bed of rice on which to lay the chicken.

Those who dare may enter Villa Doom and nosh upon Doom's proffered dishes. Mind the trapdoor.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

A Second Helping of Doom Art

ITEM! We here at DoomWire* have just received yet another artist rendering of our Beloved Ruler -- Long May He Reign and May the Accursed Richards Sneeze Himself into Space -- and we are bringing it to you exclusively. We only hope this cultivates joy and pride within Lord Doom, Latveria's Exalted Sovereign. Food Network, you know what to do.

*DoomWire®: Dooming It Up Since 1963.

Dewey Bass (Comics From Space)

Sunday, June 5, 2011

The Gallery of Doom

Your Roving Reporter for Latveria's top-news service, DoomWire, visited Charlotte's HeroesCon yesterday and returned with these artists' renditions of our Beloved Ruler -- Long May He Reign and May The Accursed Richards Eat A Bug -- at work in the kitchen.

To quote our Beloved Ruler -- Long May He Reign and May The Accursed Richards Fall Into a Sewer: BEHOLD!

Jeremy Bastian (Cursed Pirate Girl)

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Lena Chandhok (Abominable, iNterruption)

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Nathan Connelly (Kid Minotaur)

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FalynnK (Germs, Sadsquatch)

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Chris Haley (Let's Be Friends Again)

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Ben Juers Indyk (Stickybeak)

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Cassie Hart Kelly (Washington's Waltz)

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Chris Kemple (Red Vengeance)

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Shawn Ogden (Super Skunk)
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Jeff Parker (Interman, Hulk, Thunderbolts)

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Sam Pennington (Demon Cat Penance)

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Meredith Randazzo (Cleared for Takeoff)

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Josh Krach (Troop Infinity)

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Paul Swartz (Meet the Monsters

 Morgan Carmichael (Day of the Doodles)

Pat Loika (Loikamania)

Danielle Corsetto (Girls With Slingshots)

 Brett Marcus Cook (Cannonball Fist)

Jeremy Dale (Skyward)

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Summer Seasonings

Doom commands you to lookee here, little monsters. Summer's baking rays speed toward us from Mother Sol, taking eight minutes to reach earth (Doom Fact! Collect them all, curs!). With the assistance of Doom's SunDimmer Skin Lotion, all of Latveria may enjoy hours in the sunshine, gobbling Vitamin D and grilled vittles in the generous recreation time allotted by Emperor Doom. Doom Himself obviously needs no sun exposure as with the rest of you scrawny mortals. Doom exploits science to provide nutrients from the very air and absorbs them via his perfect and dread armor.

But if you, like Latveria's grateful populace, require time with your grills and your outdoor cookery, Doom has a boon to grant. Two, because Doom is good and kind. Doom has recently improvised seasonings based on concoctions found within the Secret Gypsy Momma Cookbook, improved, no doubt, in an effortless manner by Doom's daunting intellect.

Steak Seasoning
A trifle, but delicious. Enjoy the latitude Doom graciously provides in this ratio:
30 percent dried basil
30 percent dried savory
30 percent dried oregano
10 percent ground black pepper

Doom commands you to combine and sprinkle upon your sundry meat products before applying heat.

Fajita Seasonings
Equal portions of :
Chili powder
Cayenne pepper
Onion powder
Garlic powder
Italian seasoning
pinches of crushed red pepper (Doom warns you to go easy here)

Doom commands you to mix and sprinkle upon your sundry meat products before applying heat.

Now begone.