Thursday, December 29, 2011

Turkey Stir Fry with Oranges

The new year is upon us, peasants. Doom prefers to say "twenty-twelve." The Accursed Richards says "two thousand-twelve" to convince people he can count that high. Doom knows otherwise. Richards can't count the number of people he sees in the mirror.

Doom's pantry is piled to the hinges with leftovers. Holiday parties, both here at Chez Doom and at the houses of other/wannabe world conquerors, result in food stuffs that could sate the populace of Latveria five times over. Doom's magnificent eyes have never beheld this many sausage balls, for instance. Mayhap these have supplanted the jello salad of past holiday soirees.

Doom is especially burdened with turkey meat, such as that culled from the carcass before the bones are used to make stock. This meat will of course be used for Doom's favorite leftover snack: Tomato and Turkey Rolls (Quick recipe: Place tomato slice and leftover turkey meat in a dinner roll. Lightly salt. Consume. Repeat 14 times.)

But this leftover bounty has ruined Doom's plans for the turkey Doom earlier stored in the freezer. So much baked turkey, while delicious, now seems horrid. Doom is displeased. But Doom as ever knows how to turn this to an advantage.

Turkey Stir Fry with Oranges
1/3 cup soy sauce
1 teaspoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon chili oil
1 tablespoon grated ginger
1 pound of turkey meat (breast/tenderloin) sliced into medallions
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1/2 cup sliced green onion shoots
1 cup dry rice, cooked as directed on package
1 peeled, sliced navel orange

Doom commands you to do the following:

+ Combine sugar, soy sauce, ginger, and chili oil in a bowl. Doom uses peri-peri oil delivered by a loyal minion after a visit to Swaziland. Doom hears you snickering in skepticism. Then behold:

Doom don't lie. Doom only testifies. Tabasco sauce will work too.

+ Dredge turkey in the oil and flour (in a separate dish).

+ Warm cooking oil in a medium-hot pan. Fry turkey for roughly eight minutes, turning once to brown both sides.

+ Prepare the rice.

+ Place turkey on bed of rice and sprinkle with onion shoots and orange slices (navels are seedless, making preparation easier).

The dish shall resemble this:

Doom commands you to savor.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Baked Honey Chicken And a Warning

Doom welcomes the chill to his beloved Latverian mountains. We does not however welcome the tourists who journey to leaf-watch. Latveria is a tranquil nation otherwise -- made safe and stable by the iron gloves of Doom. But now, sadly, we are beset by Hawaiian shirts and baseball caps. It's a parade of horrible Magnum PI wannabes reeking of airport hot dogs in a desperate need to eat gobble comfort food before daring to try our unknown vittles. Doom has many times commanded the Latverian Tourism Board to banish such trolls from our lovely cobblestones, to no avail. Doom can't even buy avail.

But Doom realizes that these slovenly non-Slavs can put some shekels in Doom's caped coffers. Thus, Doom's Sojourner's Sumptuous Sucker Snacks, the newest vendor booth at the corner of Doom Avenue and Rue du Doom. Doombots are stationed in shifts, offering delicious tidbits for top Latverian currency, the magnifi-cent. And this week, the Fantastic Four Ss offers the following:

Honey Baked Chicken

Honey Glaze:
1/4 cup honey
2 tablespoons citrus juice (lime, lemon, or orange)
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon balsamic vinegar
1 teaspoon onion powder

Doom commands you to:

Combine glaze ingredients in a bowl. Yes, this is distinct from Doom's Honey Pepper Fried Chicken Stir-Fry.

Brush the mixture on 1 pound of chicken (Doom prefers tenderloins for the Fantastic Four Ss; they're cheaper than chicken breasts, even at the same weight) and bake for 25 minutes at 380.

Upon removing chicken from the oven, spoon the thickened glaze from the baking pan and spoon onto pieces. You should find a thickened glaze goop to use as a topping. This is delicious.

Note: The dish also works as a salad topping. Just chop up the chicken and add greens and veggies.

Doom is displeased to find a classic Latverian recipe within the pages of a funny book called New Mutants. Not because the recipe is a secret from our golden land, no, but because ingesting it will only serve to ruin the reputation of Latverian fare.

Doom will only say this: Pack your Pepto.

Friday, October 21, 2011

A Scouring Lesson

Doom doesn't always fly solo in the kitchen. Doom has been known to entertain, especially with, as the kids say, the honeys.

What? Doom can't be dapper? Doom can't woo? Cretin, Doom's got woo like you don't know.

So it was that Doom and his guest for the evening were in the expansive kitchen on the third floor. Not the kitchen on the fifth floor or on the roof or in the guest house; this is the kitchen with the airport luggage carousel where Doom stores his pots and pans. Doom was of course preparing a fine repast, the finest Doom's guest surely had ever seen. (Are you reading this, Susan Richards? Does your visage blush with envy? DOES IT?)

So it was that Doom, in his role as host, momentarily became distracted. Perhaps it was as Doom demonstrated a sabre dance. Perhaps Doom was in the midst of reciting the Iliad in the original Greek. 

Let Doom put it this way:

It was then that Doom's pasta burned. The pan held too little water, despite Doom's precise calculation, and for this only one explanation is possible: Sabotage. The Accursed Richards desperately craves to live as Doom. His paltry achievements and companions are eclipsed by Doom's. (Susan, do you see? Your husband looks elsewhere, even into Doom's domicile. I sense his hidden monitors everywhere.)
Doom quickly prepared a fresh pot of pasta, but the crud remained in the original pan. This might be the ruin of cookware belonging to lesser men, but not Doom. Not ever Doom. Heed this salvaging process.

1) Remove what pasta debris you can with a wooden spoon.

2) Smother the remaining noodle pieces and burned crud with baking soda. Blanket it. Bury it.

3) Cover the soda and crud mix with cold water.

4) Boil the crud water. Remove the pot from heat and let sit for 30 minutes.

5) Pour out the water and scrape the pot with a scouring sponge. The crud should dislodge easily.

6) Repeat as needed.

7) Hail Doom.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Doom Tips and Honey Pepper Chicken Stir-Fry

The Dread Lord Doom is aware that while recipes may tease the hope that you may ascend to Doom's majesty in the kitchen, it is the small touches that make a man a god and Doom a Doctor. For instance, you may appreciate the symphony but neglect the wrist position of the cellist and the finger placement of the woodwind player. Do this not. Attend to the details, for it is there -- the space between atoms -- that matter is made.

Doom just blew your mind. Doom knows this. It ain't even a thing.

Behold then, the nuances that may lead you closer to Doom's glory.

1) Whenever recipes call for one or two cloves of garlic, double it. Triple it, even. Garlic is a magnificent flavoring. Also good for you.

2) Speaking of garlic, if you want to peel a head/bulb and don't have a Doombot handy, Doom advises this:

3) When making stirfry with chicken, don't cook the meat in the wok with the other elements. Instead, use a stovetop griddle to grill the chicken. Save the wok for the veggies. When they are cooked, toss in the chicken for the last-second sauce or seasonings.

Or try this recipe from the Secret Gypsy Momma Cookbook:

Honey Pepper Fried Chicken Stir-fry
1 pound boneless skinless chicken breast, cubed
1/2 cup honey
2 tablespoons cracked black pepper
1 cup cubed pineapple
1 red pepper, diced
2 servings cooked rice

Doom commands you to:

Follow the rice directions. Doom prefers Taxamati white or brown rice (Doom wanrs you that brown rice takes much longer to simmer, as much as three times longer).

Fry the chicken pieces, turning once (dredged to taste, preferably in a cast iron skillet and shortening/lard on high heat).

Drain chicken on paper towels/racks over newspapers and place into a bowl. Add honey and black pepper. Toss to coat.

Cook pineapple and red pepper in a wok. Season to taste. Doom prefers garlic and hot sauce.

Combine elements and serve.

4) If you get a double-sided stovetop griddle, the flat side can be used to thaw frozen meat. Remove the meat from the packaging and place on the unheated flat side of the griddle. It'll be completely thawed within a half-hour.

5) Bake potato chips/fries on a broiler pan with a drip plate. The oil that coast the potatoes tends to puddle. The drip pan prevents saggy taters. (Note: Saggy Taters was Doom's name in Digital Underground.)

6) You can easily juice citrus fruit by squeezing the fruit whole or halved inside a pair of tong handles.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Grilled Porkchops Alfredo

Doom experiments. Doom pursues notions. In this vein, Doom hands today's recipe to one of Doom's official DoomConBots, the representatives of Your Lord and Savior at international conventions. No, Doom doesn't attend cons. Doom shan't sully his glorious personage with, well, you.

Doom is out and about at the moment. Doom must apply down-smacking to a paltry uprising among the Latverians. Arab Spring has spread to Doom's door, and Doom must remind the citizenry to whom they owe their gratitude.

Indulge yourself with another recipe from the Secret Gypsy Mama Cookbook in Doom's absence. Doom shan't be a moment. Allow this DoomConBot to walk you through the heady concoction. Observe with reverence the reference materials it provides. Like its master, this DoomBot is generous and kind.

A DoomConBot at DragonCon 2011. The photographer was soon after melted for his effrontery.

Grilled Porkchops Alfredo
Loyal readers may remember a recipe Doom posted earlier, bequeathing the divine alfredo equation. For expedience's sake, Doom reposts it here

The Alfredo Sauce
3/4 cup heavy cream
1/2 cup butter
1 1/4 grated Parmesan
1/4 tablespoon salt

Doom commands you to combine the butter and cream in a medium size skillet over medium heat.

Doom commands you to allow the butter to melt and turn the heat to low when the sauce begins to bubble.

Doom commands you to stir frequently for six minutes then turn off the heat.

Doom commands you to add Parmesan.

Doom commands you to stir the cheese until it melts. When thoroughly melted, you may now salt and a dash of pepper.

Grilled Porkchops
4 boneless pork sirloins
2 tablespoons dried oregano
2 tablespoons dried marjoram
2 tablespoons dried basil
2 tablespoons olive oil
Doom commands you to combine the herbs and oil in a small glass bowl.

Doom commands you to use a brush to apply the mixture to the raw porkchops. Observe below Doom's own brush, a long-lived 2-inch paint brush from Doom's local hardware store. Silicon brushes are needlessly expensive and prone to disintegration in dishwashers.

Doom commands you to cook porkchops on medium heat using a stovetop grill (Lodge cast iron is best). You will notice the applied herb mixture. Notice also the pot on the back burner, used to reheat frozen leftover alfredo. You may do this with a pot set on simmer. Stir often, if employed.

Doom commands you to cook chops eight minutes a side. For score marks, rotate chops 90 degrees midway through cooking each side. They will appear thus:

As the chops cook, Doom advises you to prepare your noodles. As your sauce becomes ready, drop noodles into the pan/pot and stir to coat. Doom at times enjoys a mix of noodles as seen below. Rotini never fails to delight and hold sauce.

Doom commands you to smack your lips. Red wine or ale complements this dish as nicely as you will now compliment Doom.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Chopped All-Stars

Doom has a DVR the size of a Best Buy. Doom misses nothing. But of course the management of a global empire and the constant annoyance of the Accursed Richards Clan delay Doom's free time with, as the Doom Gran might say, his stories. It was only this weekend past that Doom saw Chopped All-Stars.

But it aired in April, Doom hears you mew. DOOM IS BUSY. DOOM JUGGLES MUCH.

As Doom was saying, The DoomVR recorded a recent marathon of all episodes, watched recently over a few nights at the dinner table or on the couch. Doom put up his armored feet and snuggled in for some good food porn.

Doom cares not much for reality shows, which are in truth, game shows. They are contestants. They contest. They seek glory, albeit a glory a fraction of a fraction of that Doom enjoys every moment of each day Doom allows to exist. Doom's tolerance for cooking-themed game shows is tiny. Iron Chef, of course, is a staple, but Doom would enjoy seeing them prepare food while actually wearing iron as does Doom. Iron Chef America is a middling spinoff, and one that will ever be dismissed until Alton Brown himself approaches the cutting boards.

Chopped has grown on Doom. After initial awkwardness, the show eventually found its groove, as Doom's nephews say, and Ted Allen is an easy TV presence.

(Doom correctly identified him as the breakout star of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Desperate, desperate Carson was practically licking the camera, and Jai begged it to pet him with approval. Ted, in contrast, played it wry. He did not sell himself. He sold the premise, and Doom respects that. Ted Allen: Doom Approved.)

As with Iron Chef America, Doom desired the judges climb down from Mount Judgment (the mere piedmont of the Alps that is Doom's perpetual perch) and clutch a skillet

As in all matters, Doom's whims became reality, and All-Stars, a charity tournament of Food Network names, featured a round pitting judges against judges. Other rounds featured Food Network Star competitors and veterans of other shows. The tournament final included Aaron Sanchez, a regular judge, and it is here Doom realized how fickle karma can be.

What if he won?

Doom found himself yelling at the Doomscreen TV, demanding with each of the three rounds within that final episode that Sanchez lose. The questionable outcome of a judge chosen by his fellow judges to win the whole shebang sat not well with Doom. All would be chaos. Chopped would be sullied. Ted may be soiled, and Doom would need avenge him, as if Doom needed one more $!#@ thing to do.

Clear heads prevailed, Doom suspects. Despite the presentation of a fair battle determined by their dishes, Doom contends the judges were nudged toward the eventual winner and made aware that a victorious judge chef may well have competed against such insensible things as grass and staplers and the Human Torch. By the heights of Latveria, even Doom could proclaim himself victorious against all simply by stating it so.



Monday, August 8, 2011

50 Years of Stupid Richards Who Is Stupid


According to Bleeding Cool, the comic/movie news site, today is arguably the best date to celebrate the publication of Fantastic Four 1. This marks the beginning of the Marvel Universe, which swelled to include X-Men (beat them), Thor (gave him the business), Iron Man (crumpled his loser armor), Avengers (nobodies and has-beens), and Spider-Man (please).

Doom first graced the MU in FF 5. You're welcome.

Doom forgot where that dial is. Doom doesn't need it anyway.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Peppered Pork Chops and Roasted Potatoes

Let Doom be clear: Doom hates to exercise. Possessing the superior mind is already such a taxing burden, even for Your Lord and Master, that further exerting this magnificent form through something as plebeian as jogging is frankly insulting. And Doom, lest your forget, engages in near-constant war with The Accursed Richards and his witless peanut gallery. So one need not imagine Doom nestled in a couch day and night. Allow Doom to quote honorary Latverian poet laureate Big Daddy Kane:  Doom works. Doom gets the job done.

But Doom has taken note of the mirror of late, and Doom perceives reality in a way no mere mortal can. Doom sees the creeping, infinitesimal imperfections of which even this human form is prone. Doom is but a man, after all. A magnificent man, the apogee and acme of man, and Doom's musculature remains superb. Doom is the definition of definition

Doom must take time from the ceaseless progression toward genius to refine and hone. Fear not. Latveria remains ever in Doom's peerless mind, secure from the invasions of those who would unseat Doom. The Accursed Richards must know -- if his feeble mind can comprehend such basic truths -- that Doom can repel his desperate offensives with one ironclad arm tied behind Doom's matchless back. Doom is ever coiled.

And Doom shall ever embody the pinnacle.

Peppered Pork Chops and Roasted Potatoes
4 boneless porkchops
6 medium white/red potatoes
3 Golden Delicious apples
3 tablespoons cilantro
3 tablespoons oregano
3 tablespoons basil
2 tablespoons butter
1 red bell pepper
1 red onion
1 tablespoon cooking oil
1 cup flour
1 cup bread crumbs
3 tablespoons ground black pepper

Doom commands you to cut the onion and pepper into bite-size chunks. Then you shall quarter the potatoes. Place all three ingredients in a greased roasting pan and sprinkle with the seasonings. Do not fail Doom.

Doom commands you to roast the potatoes at 400 degrees for 35 minutes.

Doom commands you to peel the apples and place inside a covered pan over medium heat. Stir often to avoid burning. The apples will cook for approximately ten minutes, softening and browning. After ten minutes, reduce heat to low and add butter. Stir to coat the apples.

Doom commands you to mix flour, crumbs, and pepper. Dredge the chops in mix and fry in cooking oil in a skillet on medium heat. You shall fry them for 12 minutes, turning once.

When plating, Doom commands you place the apples on the chops. 

Gravy Bonus: 
If you wish to make milk gravy in the skillet, Doom advises you thus:

Remove chops and reduce heat to low. Add one cup of milk (all at once, cur!) and stir constantly to loosen crisps. Add 1/2 cup all-purpose flour and 1 tablespoon ground black pepper. As liquid reduces, stir to combine and thicken. If flour and milk clump, the pan was too hot, but you may add water in small increments as needed to break-up matter. Serve, if desired, over the potatoes.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Doom Is On The Menu

Doom Archivist here.

This fridge menu was spotted Wednesday night in a house that was not our own. That's two dishes from the Secret Gypsy Momma Cookbook. Boffo.

Doom endures! Doom sustains!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Ginger-Curry Yogurt Chicken & Mango

Doom is languid. Doom has the dulls. Doom's ship of state is dead in the water, in the doldrums, in the dumps.

As the Latverian Football League continues its mindless haggling over revenues -- a pittance in comparison to Doom's estate, Doom reminds you -- Doom has one less joy to anticipate. All of Doom's beloved series are on hiatus. Doom's armor barely cools him amid this maddening summer heat. Doom is becoming, dare one say, a crankypants.

Even the plethora of chicken dishes begins to rankle Doom. Doom may soon seek the sweet embrace of a sirloin, diet be damned. Yes yes, you inquisitive buffoons, Doom is dieting, and red meat has been banished from this castle. Doom is disciplined, and Doom will once more wear proudly he armor of his youth. And then, beware ladies of Latveria. Doom will once more strut upon the promenades and rococo bridges of the parks in the russet twilight. And Doom shall once more be irresistible. And Doom's pants shall be cranky no more.

Ginger-Curry Yogurt Chicken & Mango
1 mango
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon honey
2 crushed garlic cloves
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
3 pounds chicken fillets/pieces

Topping ingredients
1/3 cup plain yogurt
1 teaspoon curry powder
1 teaspoon grated ginger root
1 teaspoon brown sugar
1 teaspoon orange zest

Side dish
2 yellow crook neck squash
2 zucchini
1 tablespoon olive oil

Doom commands you to peel and chop the mango before mashing in a bowl. You will then add lemon, honey, garlic paprika, salt, and pepper.

Doom commands you to spoon mango mix over chicken and cook in a crock pot on low for at least four hours.

Doom commands you to combine topping ingredients and refrigerate. When the chicken is ready, you shall plate the chicken and spoon yogurt onto it. Doom declares you shall not add yogurt in the crock pot.

Doom commands you to slice squash lengthwise and stir-fry for two minutes in oil on medium heat. Pepper and salt to taste.

Doom commands you to indulge.

Now begone.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Lemon Mustard Grilled Chicken

Doom observes the Women's World Cup and rages at the unwarranted disqualification of the Latveria team. Doom seethes. Doom knows -- as Doom does of all things -- that Latveria's soccer force would have dominated the World Cup and brought further glory to Doom.

But no. In this, Doom -- even DOOM -- was stymied by a bureaucratic horde of narrow-minded pince-nez fops who refused the team entry into the tournament. And why? Because they claimed the team was comprised entirely of Doombots.

OF COURSE THEY WERE. Artificial reproductions of Doom are the only reasonable assembly to achieve greatness, the only proper collection to receive the accolades of a starstruck globe. And those officious official oafs denied Doom the inevitable victory. They think themselves above Doom, more powerful than Doom. Doom chuckles!

Wait for it.


Yes, Doom chuckles at their smug impertinence. Doom needs but press this red button, and those administrators will find themselves in a low orbit, drifting past the last shuttle mission. But Doom enjoys the power. Doom is content to know Doom could, if but Doom wanted, to prove his might from across the globe. And so Doom has reason to smile even as Doom is refused his opportunity to prove Doom's glory.

Even in seeming defeat, Doom conquers. Let this be a lesson.

Oh, and Doom raises his goblet to the U.S. Women's team in their banishment of the Brazil squad. Doom detests a cheater, and Doom is looking at you Ms. Fake an Injury, Leap Off the Stretcher, and Run Back Into the Game. This is surely the act of desperation befitting the lowly, such as the Accursed Richards.

Lemon Mustard Grilled Chicken
Assemble before you these crucial elements:

2 tablesoons cooking oil
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard (Doom prefers a honey variety)
1 tablespoon lemon juice
2 teaspoons crushed/dried basil
2 teaspoons lemon-pepper seasoning
half teaspoon crushed red pepper
3 boneless chicken breasts

Doom commands you to mix the flavorings in a bowl.

Doom commands you to grill chicken without baste to lightly brown the skin. Doom prefers to grill inside on a stovetop grill. They are quicker to warm, easier to clean, and smaller to store than a cumbersome outdoor apparatus. Also? Doom may watch TV while grilling. Doom taunts you, Bobby Flay!

Doom commands you to apply a light cooking oil sheen to the steovetop grill and apply medium heat.

Doom commands you to turn once to brown both sides. Only then does Doom permit you to brush mixture onto chicken.

Doom commands you to turn the chicken in 90-degree increments to achieve crisscross browning and cook the chicken for ten minutes each side.

Doom advises this be enjoyed alongside sweet potato fries.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Spaghetti Bucket

Doom is giddy. Doom is bursting at the seams of his marvelous armor. Doom has a secret to tell from Doom's electrical well. It's a simple message, and Doom is not leaving out the whistles and bells.

Doom wishes to bequeath to you the delicious bounty to be enjoyed from a simple kitchen technique, and it is called the Spaghetti Bucket.

Wait, cur. Doom shall do this properly. Doom cues the formatting.

Spaghetti Bucket
There are many recipes for making spaghetti at home, Doom knows, and Doom demeans none which may have passed down through the gnarled hands of your ancestors. Doom is also aware that many of Doom's audience may only know the flaccid joy of store-bought spaghetti sauce. Doom has set his sights on this horror, and Doom shall eradicate it. Gird yourselves.

The Spaghetti Bucket is a simple thing: When cutting vegetables for various recipes, Doom commands that you set aside a small portion to retain in your freezer. Doom repeats: Freezer. Do not attempt to keep a Spaghetti Bucket in your fridge, weak mortals. This will lead to sadness, the kind known before only to That Accursed Richards as he realizes daily that he is inferior to The Man Named Doom.

In this bucket, or whatever container and size you choose, the accumulated vegetable chunks will be preserved. Doom also provides this special bonus tip because he is generous: If you deglaze pans with cooking wine, do not pour it down the drain when finished. Instead, Doom suggests you add it to the bucket. When the container is full, Doom commands you to thaw it and heed you this ratio:
  • 3/4 spaghetti bucket ingredients
  • 1/4 protein of choice browned in a skillet with oil and seasonings. Doom declares you will not use salt. Doom explains later.
  • at least 8 ounces tomato paste (canned is acceptable to Doom)
  • at least 14.5 ounces diced tomatoes (again, Doom permits canned varieties)
  • dashes of cumin, oregano, black pepper. Again, Doom declares you shall not use salt.
Doom commands you to combine ingredients in a large pot and boil before simmering. Stir often, if you would appease Doom. The sauce should reduce for at least ten minutes.

Doom allows you to prepare the noodles as you desire. Doom doesn't care which type, although Doom prefers penne. Doom enjoys saying the word. Penne. Penne. There. Doom is now delighted.

Doom commands you to drain noodles and add to spaghetti pot to combine thoroughly.

Now, Doom strongly advises you to top the dish with crumbled feta cheese. Yes, yes, "Parmesan," you protest. Everyone reaches for the Parmesan when making spaghetti. Doom mocks them thus: Blah blah blah. Dare to scale the culinary heights with Doom. Dare to reach instead for feta. This will provide all the salt you wrongfully think you needed beforehand. Doom will wait for you to inevitably admit Doom is right. Doom is patient.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Pineapple Butter Chicken

Longtime reader Phyllis in Dayton asks,"You seem preoccupied with chicken dishes. This seems odd for a man of your considerable wealth and refined palate. What gives, Doomy Boo?"

First of all, die. Is this the Accursed Richards cowardly mocking Doom? Richards! How dare you!

Second, Doom eats what Doom likes. And what Doom likes infests His Beloved Latveria like a plague. Latveria, in addition to boasting the greatest human specimen who ever set foot upon this pathetic orb, is also the chicken capital of the solar system (But not the universe. Little known fact: A planet orbiting Procyon2 is populated entirely by nine-foot New Hampshire Reds which speak a dialect not unlike Appalachian hiccups. Alas, they taste like boiled crap.). The subjects of Doom are blessed with a plentiful food source, and Doom generously provides them many a recipe for wringing all nutrition and taste from what Latverians call "our mountain flood." Latveria also corners the industry on chicken-feather pillows and jacket insulation. Look for the latter in our upcoming LL Doom Catalog.

A better question from Phyllis in Dayton would be,"Gracious Lord Doom, might there be another chicken recipe Your Marvelousness would bestow upon us lowly lows who are low and lowish?"

And Doom would but reply, "Aye, Phyllis in Dayton. Aye."

Pineapple Butter Chicken
Doom confesses that the original recipe found within the Secret Gypsy Momma Cookbook called for lemon juice. But the Doom tummy hungers not for lemon this day. And Doom was granted a wholesale bargain on a large order of pineapple. "Win-win" cries Doom.

3 boneless chicken breasts
3 tablespoons melted butter
3 tablespoons pineapple juice
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons black pepper
1 cup seasoned bread crumbs

Doom commands you to combine butter, juice, salt, pepper, and garlic in a wide bowl.

Doom commands you to soak the chicken in the mixture and dredge in bread crumbs.

Doom commands you to bake the chicken in a 350-degree over for 40 minutes.

Doom commands you to gobble. Mayhap with brown rice.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Garlic Lime Chicken

Doom's publicity team informed Doom that the world doesn't yet rightfully perceive his grandeur.

"You are seen as a tyrant," Doom was informed. "Petty. Vindictive. Obsessed with a charming family man in a one-sided, stalkerish war of wills which exists entirely within your own deranged mind. And you are cruel to all."

Of course Doom had them launched into the sun. But Doom reflects. Doom pauses. Doom, after all, is open to contrary opinion, so long as it's presented upon bended knee atop a trap door leading to a cauldron of acid. Doom is but a man, like his fellow denizens of Earth. Doom has feelings. They are submerged under gargantuan levels of intellect and genius, lying dormant as Fin Fang Doom, waiting only for a spark of resurrection to power an unstoppable torrent of rage and flailing violence. But feelings, nonetheless, people.

Doom is moved to action. Doom shall open his home -- his humble sprawling compound with its approximately 4,528 statues depicting the various glories of Doom -- to the masses, and Doom shall prepare for them a feast. And Doom knows just what to offer. HEED!

Garlic Lime Chicken

Doom commands you to prepare these ingredients;
Four boneless chicken fillets
Half-cup lime juice
1/4 cup wine vinegar
6 garlic cloves, minced
3 tablespoons dried oregano flakes
1 tablespoon dried corriander
1 tablespoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon paprika
1/4 cup vegetable oil

Doom commands you to mix all the ingredients in a zip-top bag and marinade for eight hours. Doom warns you to turn the bag a few times to soak meat thoroughly.

Doom commands you to discard marinade and brown the chicken on medium heat in an oven-safe skillet. Doom notes that preparing the skillet with oil is rendered unnecessary by the soak. Do not waste your oil, Doom proclaims. That's rule Number 3 of the Secret Gypsy Mamma Cookbook

Doom commands you to place skillet in an oven heated to 400 degrees and bake for 20 minutes.

Doom prefers a bed of rice on which to lay the chicken.

Those who dare may enter Villa Doom and nosh upon Doom's proffered dishes. Mind the trapdoor.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

A Second Helping of Doom Art

ITEM! We here at DoomWire* have just received yet another artist rendering of our Beloved Ruler -- Long May He Reign and May the Accursed Richards Sneeze Himself into Space -- and we are bringing it to you exclusively. We only hope this cultivates joy and pride within Lord Doom, Latveria's Exalted Sovereign. Food Network, you know what to do.

*DoomWire®: Dooming It Up Since 1963.

Dewey Bass (Comics From Space)

Sunday, June 5, 2011

The Gallery of Doom

Your Roving Reporter for Latveria's top-news service, DoomWire, visited Charlotte's HeroesCon yesterday and returned with these artists' renditions of our Beloved Ruler -- Long May He Reign and May The Accursed Richards Eat A Bug -- at work in the kitchen.

To quote our Beloved Ruler -- Long May He Reign and May The Accursed Richards Fall Into a Sewer: BEHOLD!

Jeremy Bastian (Cursed Pirate Girl)

+ + +

Lena Chandhok (Abominable, iNterruption)

+ + +

Nathan Connelly (Kid Minotaur)

+ + +

FalynnK (Germs, Sadsquatch)

+ + +

+ + + 

Chris Haley (Let's Be Friends Again)

+ + +

+ + +
Ben Juers Indyk (Stickybeak)

+ + + 
Cassie Hart Kelly (Washington's Waltz)

+ + + 

Chris Kemple (Red Vengeance)

+ + + 

+ + + 

Shawn Ogden (Super Skunk)
+ + + 

Jeff Parker (Interman, Hulk, Thunderbolts)

+ + + 

Sam Pennington (Demon Cat Penance)

+ + +
Meredith Randazzo (Cleared for Takeoff)

+ + + 

Josh Krach (Troop Infinity)

+ + + 

Paul Swartz (Meet the Monsters

 Morgan Carmichael (Day of the Doodles)

Pat Loika (Loikamania)

Danielle Corsetto (Girls With Slingshots)

 Brett Marcus Cook (Cannonball Fist)

Jeremy Dale (Skyward)