Cube Steak Stroganoff

Latveria sloughs winter,
stretches bones toward the sun,
and bends slowly to half-remembered obligations
to craft a summer and autumn
to provide dreams
to make bearable 
the return of winter's comet trail.

Oh, Doom shall once more own Versus Verses, the Annual Villain Poetry Slam. Bring your sonnets, Baron Zemo! Doom will eat your icebox plums. Doom lurks late, and Doom strikes straight. Doom's ass-kicking will kindly stop for thee.

Do you demand more brief lines of genius? Try this recipe, peasants.

Cube Steak Stroganoff
Doom knows what you are about to bark in your simian cackles. "Cube steak is for frying." HOOLIGANS AND CURS. Cube steak is a perfect sauté cut. Thin and tenderize, it cooks quickly and retains a distinctive flavor and texture. You would do well to heed Doom in this as in all things.

1 pound cube steak
1 cup sliced mushrooms
1 cup beef broth
1 medium sweet onion chopped
1/2 cup sour cream
3 cloves garlic minced
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon butter
1 tablespoon paprika black pepper to taste

Doom commands you to:

Melt butter in large skillet (not iron this time) on medium-high heat. Brown steak, turning once and set aside.

Into steak drippings, add garlic, pepper, onion, mushroom, garlic, paprika. Cook on medium until mushrooms are tender. Add broth and stir.

Combine cream and flour in bowl and then add that to skillet. Cook until bubbling and cook one minute more. Return steaks to mixture to warm and coat.

Prepare seven handfuls of rotini pasta according to package instructions. When done, pour out water and add noodles to skillet and stir to coat.

Doom commands you to poetry slam that into your belly parts.

Chicken Pot Pie

What is that? Where has Doom been all this time? Doom has toiled, peasants. Beholdify!

1) Doom once more removed the blight you call the National Hockey League. Doom shall tolerate none of this accursed ice lacrosse until you all admit the Latverian Victors are the superior puck slappers.

2) Doom's Boehnerbot has once more ground your legislative gears into inertia. Again, you see the wisdom of rejecting the democratic system in favor of one true ruler, and Doom-o is his name-o.

3) Doom successfully launched the low-orbit Droptrooper in an experiment hailed throughout the world. The astronaut who leapt from 24 miles above your continent? One of Doom's elite guard. If you exalted in the descent of one such man, you will lose your minds in glee when thousands do likewise. And The Accursed Richards shan't save you. It will be exactly like Red Dawn except good and successful.

4) Doom redid his cupboards.

5) Via the 'Gangnam Style' video, Doom's Psybot has installed within your feeble brain caves the subliminal suggestion through which Doom shall control your every move. Prepare to horsey dance your way into abject slavery, fools.

6) And Doom has perfected a recipe long dwelling within the Gypsy Mama Cookbook.

Chicken Pot Pie
3 cups diced chicken (or 12-ounce can of tuna, drained)

2 cups chicken broth

2/3 cup milk

1 cup diced carrots
1 cup diced celery (original recipe calls for peas. DOOM ABIDES NO PEAS.)
1/3 cup chopped onion
1/3 cup butter

1/3 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon pepper

1 to 2 9-inch pie crust rolls

Doom commands you to ...

Cook the chicken in large saucepan. Nothing fancy here, but you can season to taste. Just brown it over medium heat. You don't want raw chicken in the pie mixture as it bakes. Remove chicken from pan.

Melt butter in the pan over medium heat. Stir in onion, flour, and seasonings. Stir constantly until mixture bubbles. Remove from heat and add milk and broth*.

(*Did you plan to use frozen broth? Did you forget to thaw it? No problem. Fill a quarter of a pasta pot with water. Place broth box in the pot and weigh down with something heavy and sturdy. I used a ceramic mortar. Make sure the box is completely submerged. Warm water on low heat for 15 minutes, uncovered, and the broth will be completely thawed.)

Return to heat and boil, stirring constantly. After a minute of boiling, remove from heat and add carrots, celery, and chicken.

Prepare your pie pan/dish with crust rolls, following instructions on crust package. Doom prefers using two crusts for each pie, one on the bottom of the pan. Pour pan contents onto bottom crust and top with second crust. Wrap crust edges in foil to prevent burning.

Bake in 425-degree oven for 35 minutes.

Inhale that mess.