Monday, May 6, 2013

Chopped All-Stars 2013


Doom bestows this small kindness upon you: Doom is about spoil this year's Chopped All-Stars competition, so begone if you have yet to watch.

All clear? Good.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE %$#@ KIDDING DOOM.

Doom spoke about last year's Chopped All-Stars here and sighed with deep relief when a Chopped judge failed to win the whole shebang. That loss maintained the integrity of the show. Because, otherwise, they could skip the farce and give the $50,000 charity donation to a judge picked at random.

This year, what happens? A Chopped judge won it all.

Now. Yes. These people are chefs. They can cook. They know of where they speak. And Doom correctly (no shock) picked Scott Conant to emerge from the judge bracket. Doom begrudges Conant nothing in being the better chef among the judges. One Victor recognizes another.

But the presentation of an open competition is besmirched when, in truth,12 invited competitors have a one-in-three shot at facing a judge in the last dessert round of the final episode.

(Shut up, Richards. Doom's math is unassailable! Doom will prepare a recipe just for you: A raw bug. Cooking directions: Find one bug. Go and eat it!)

Chopped All-Stars should be called Beat the Judge, with 12 potentials squaring off to take on a representative of the Chopped citadel.This is the proper manner of presentation. At the very least, instead of one tournament bracket being all judges, guaranteeing a judge finalist, the four judges should be mixed within the four categories. That way, it's possible there will be no judges in the finals.

(Is it possible two or more judges will make the finals? Doom supposes. But it's less likely.)

Also of note: Last year's runner-up judge Aaron Sanchez was a judge in this year's finals. That must be addressed.

Two last things:
1) Give Lailah Ali a cooking show yesterday. Unlike the cackling blond grotesques Food TV foists upon us, Ali has true charm and skills.  Doom would watch her show always.

2) Nadia G will come back and wax the competition like Beatrix Kiddo. Bet on it.

Doom out.

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