Sunday, May 15, 2011

Mozzarella Pasta Salad

Nation, heed Doom. Heed Doom as you may never have (although if you have never, Doom will crush you for your insolence).

Doom is strong enough to admit failure. Doom can, when the occasion demands, confess to erring in Doom's way. Doom is but a man after all -- a superlative man above all others, but a man nonetheless. Doom can fail. And Doom can own it. Especially if, say, Doom where to fall short when recreating a recipe from the Secret Gypsy Momma Cookbook.

Of course, that has never happened. No, Doom remains perfect in thought and deed, and the fault in last night's catastrophic culinary calamity lies at the feet of those who have transcribed the cookbook. This must be so. Those responsible will be reduced to ash and bone for sullying the legacy of the Doom Momma and the sacred kitchen space of King Lord Emperor Doom, Esquire.

Doom is also suspicious of sabotage at the hands of The Accursed Richards. Richards, attend Doom: DOOM AIN'T HAVIN' IT.

Mozzarella Pasta Salad
The recipe calls for the following items and quantities, but Doom commands you to read on before attempting to replicate this. Doom has seen the tortured lands that lie beyond this path. Learn from Doom.

8 oz dry rotini or penne
6 oz fresh Mozzarella, diced
2 cups diced tomato
1 tablespoon olive oil or salad dressing
4 cups baby spinach leaves
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper

The recipe commands you to cook the pasta as the box directs you.

The recipe commands you to mix all the other ingredients in a bowl.

The recipe commands you to drain the pasta and mix with the other ingredients and serve immediately. AND HERE DOOM CRIES "NAY!"

Doom commands you to refrigerate the dish for at least a half hour before serving. Doom speaks from experience. The warm dish is a true horror suitable only for mailing to The Accursed Richards in a wet cardboard box.

Doom also commands you to reduce the Mozzarella to the smallest practical increments. Mouthful Mozzarella morsels weigh heavy in the tum-tum, as Doom has learned. Doom suggests replacing with crumbled Feta, if one desires. Doom confess Doom stopped eating and baked a frozen pizza. Doom is not ashamed. Doom gotta eat.

Let us speak no more of Doom's night of suffering. Doom will not be humbled. Doom has persevered, and Doom remains strong. As ever. As always.

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