Friday, April 1, 2011

Faji-tortill-orittos

The global economic crunch has hit even the Glorious Kingdom of Latveria. The peasants can no longer bequeath Doom with the tribute to which Doom has become accustomed, and they look, as always, to their beloved leader for guidance in this time of gloom. Doom takes to his resplendent balcony, beholds the gathered, desperate masses below Doom, and utters the wisdom upon which they may rest their beleaguered brows:

IT'S RICHARDS'S FAULT!

Doom told you! Doom tried to warn you! Richards Richards Richards! He has done this to you! He mocks you from the penthouse bath tub in which he soaks his boneless ass with his harlot of a wife!

This only fuels Doom's quest for vengeance! For justice! Doom is handing out Richards fatwas like they're going out of style! Doom shall destroy him in your name, my filthy troglodytes! DOOM SWEARS MAD RUCKUS IN YOUR NAMES!

But until then, Doom knows you must feed the dog, and thus, Doom cracks open once more his Divine Recipe Rolodex and bestows upon you a morsel that will warm your bellies: Doom's Famous Faji-tortill-orittos!

Gather these, mongrels:
1 pound of protein vehicle
1 red bell pepper
1 yellow bell pepper
1 medium onion
six tortillas
cayenne pepper
crushed red pepper
chili powder
garlic powder
salt
pepper
shredded cheese

Doom commands you to dice the onion and cut the peppers into thin strips. Cut the protein vehicle into strips.

Doom commands you to cook the protein vehicle in a medium-hot skillet.

Doom commands you to begin heating the tortillas in another skillet. Heat the skillet to medium, heat one side of the tortilla, flip to warm the other side. Place tortillas on a plate and cover while you warm the others.

While doing this, Doom commands you to transfer the meat to a holding vessel. Add pepper and salt to the meat. Place peppers and onions in the skillet on medium heat. Add dashes of the spices.

Doom commands you to add the meat back to the skillet once the medley has warmed. Stir often and cook until the medley has softened and the onions are golden brown.

Doom allows you to add salsa to the filled tortilla shells on top of the shredded cheese. Doom appreciates lime-flavored chips as a side item. Doom will never admit to licking the lime-dusted fingertips of his luxurious armor.

Doom commands you to wolf it down, curs. The above recipe will feed two.

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